Ups and Downs

2021-05-08 · 466 words

It feels like there have been a lot of ups and downs lately, but I can’t think of any specific examples. I think I’m generally a bit fed up, but there aren’t any extremes – good or bad.

Feeling slightly up

Work has been quite involved lately, and busy but in an energetic and reasonably interesting way. I have been able to see people in person and travel a bit, so it makes a nice change and reinforces the view that I would like to split my time between home and the office (as well as a limited amount of business travel too).

At home, my new sewing hobby continues to develop, and I’ve been putting in some effort to draft some patterns digitally in preparation for (hopefully) designing outfits for my niblings.

Running has been a reassuring constant, but I also feel that I am gaining some fitness as the weeks go by. I don’t have a goal, but I am glad of every run I finish.

Feeling slightly down

I keep feeling like a child waiting for the end of term. I want the week to be over, but for what? There is no end of term – after the weekend the work starts again and I don’t have enough time off to be able to regularly look forward to that. Compounding this, when I do have time off, I find myself at an increased risk of feeling down. I think it’s a case of me expecting too much from myself, and feeling disappointed then at the lack of progress.

Earlier this year I was on quite an aggressive emotional roller coaster, but although there are still a few bumps to be felt because of that, I feel like I have generally moved past the peaks and troughs of joy and anguish, so can approach something closer to normality again. It’s sad in a way, but there is much to be said for some stability.

Feeling in between

As vaccines continue their roll-out and coverage increases amongst the people I follow and interact with, my unvaccinated state gets a bit annoying. There’s absolutely no reason for this to be a concern; we are vaccinated based on need and that means age and health, and since I am younger and quite healthy it’s simply not my turn yet. My interactions with people haven’t changed, so my risk is no different, and I don’t find myself desperate to travel or see more people, or visit crowded places, so there is no problem. I guess it’s just a small amount of jealousy combined with a lot of fatigue at this long-running disaster that the world has found itself in.

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